sweet dreams

You woke up crying after a bad dream.
Don't worry for that was just a dream and in reality,
I'm still here and I will always be.
When you sleep tonight, I'll enter Dreamland
so you'll never have to be alone there.
From then, the thoughts of me leaving
you will never surface.
And when you wake up the next morning,
you'll be facing the world with a big smile.
It will be a lovely day because when I see you,
we'll be holding hands tightly
and we will never let go.

Weird

I woke up at around 11:59am today then I remembered my dream the other night.
It was a dream but it felt so real. I was aware that I was half awake because I could see the spinning of my
electric fan's blades. I did not know what the time was but all I could remember was the rain pouring hard.

Half-awake and cold, I could hear someone opening our gates then proceeding to our main door
in the receiving area. It was all happening while I struggled to get the knife under my pillow. It was a struggle because I could feel my arms trembling by the thought of getting the weapon. The urge to get it was strong but for some weird reason, my body wouldn't cooperate. Maybe it was fear. But, how could it be fear if I was determined to rush in with the knife?

I was hearing steps and they were nearing my room's door. When the door opened I could not do anything. The trembling continued. Then, I just woke up. The rain was still pouring.

So, Rex, you still have around 4 hours before 8. What would you want to do?

I've finally done all the designs that I needed to finish before the sun rises. Now there's around 4 hours left until the first day of my OJT. I'm kind of sleepy but I don't want to oversleep again and miss my first day. Instead, I have decided to stay up and watch movies. But, before I proceed to watching probably some action packed movie, I have decided to blog.

The deafening silence, might be a classic, but it's the only way I can describe the existence of such phenomenon in my room. I was just thinking and the idea of summer popped out of my head. So here we go, let me tell you about April.

Amidst the scorching heat of summer
April has walked into my mind
As she walks gracefully into the valley of my dreams
The once barren land has seen the overgrowth of grass
The desert has seen its end as it has begun its
transformation to a meadow
Not a view of sweat and thirst
but plentiful springing of fountains
The tainted shades of orange and red
has been washed by clear blue sky
As the view of April comes through
joy makes the heart find
inner strength anew
When the heart yearns for words to say
I come up empty to a stand still
Not any motion I could convey,
but only admiration
as my mind floats
while your face sweeps
my view
Probably, April, I'll see you again
And when that time comes
I'll have the courage
to let the words flow.
Now I know you have to go
for summer is past its due.
But I'll be glad
to still be seeing you
if not today or tomorrow
maybe in May and June

4:06 am

I understand that a lot of things can happen in a split second.
Like for example, before a droplet of rain can give the ground a gentle pat, the world has already changed.
The thing is, the rain has already stopped but I'm still here sitting idly while staring at your face like it's the sun glowing out of nimbus grey.

I'm irresponsibly mad for you.

Hey!

Summer's almost over so I dropped by to share a few things that happened this summer.

So okay, first the title of this blog is due to the recent inclination to listening to M.Buble's song and the song

Call Me Irresponsible (originally by Frank Sinatra) has been stuck in my mind. lol

Moving on, so previously I've shared some babbles about my Capstone Project. Everything about it is well and now I'm on the phase of developing it. I've done my research and gathered my resources. Just today, I've reserved my subjects and I'm going to have my OJT or Senior Practicum this coming first semester. I've chose to stay here in the city so I could still take some subjects to lessen my burden on the second (and hopefully last) semester.

Now traversing back on the previous days.

First, I had a one day REAL vacation at Pasacao. So my relatives came over and invited us to visit their resort. Well you guys already know what to expect when you're in a beach. Of course, swimming. But, with the recent surfacing of the rainy season, I was only able to swim early in the morning. The sea was really calm. Anyway, what I've enjoyed much about this one day vacation is my recent chit chats with my aunt and tito. We shared stories and I was glad to learn and hear stories about my relatives back in Leyte. Moreover, they cooked really good food. What I missed most was the grilled fish that they used to prepare every time we had a family gathering back in Leyte. Other than that, they also prepared salad, and grilled pork and chicken. It was a sumptuous feast! We've also been accommodated in an air conditioned room. I enjoyed watching movies (oh hell yeah cable TV, I miss you) and the reception of our broadband connection was really awesome. It was a 1 day yet well cherished vacation because it's the only real rest day that I had these past few months.

Second, It was fun doing the same old stuffs that I did back in high school. I, again, went to different places on my own. I discovered a lot of stuffs and met a couple of people. More importantly I could think well when I'm alone. I reread Veronika Decides to Die. I've read it twice and it's still awesome. I've seen some old faces  and also was able to communicate (through chat) with my elementary friends in Leyte hence refreshing my Visayan language skills :D.

Lastly, the OrSem preparation is ongoing. I dunno but the feel of this event is quite different from the past. There's just not much surge of excitement nor the feel of agitation and pressure compared to the previous ones. I haven't sat down and started thinking about it so I could not yet identify what's behind this unusual turn of mood. Also, I'm still busy but I'm happy to experience handling shiftee and exit interviews for leavers. It's quite tiring but hey! who cares about it when you're having fun? :D Personally, I enjoy it because aside from having to do my part for the Office, I could enhance my social skills through communication with random people. Well of course I could hear some of their problems but nothing could replace the sweet hi's, hello's, smiles and goodbyes whenever I conduct the interview. Also there are beautiful ladies >=)

So I guess that's gonna be all for now. I might blog randomly but when the thoughts flow, the words simply flow through my hands (yay! for fast typing). The only thing I could say is I really had fun. The wonderful moments, places and even those awful memoirs were over but, no matter wherever we are, be it in our new refuge, the memories will forever be etched through our souls.

the first time :D

So instead of the usual blogging, I tried something different. Just check it out:

The New Blog

hey sup, i'm back

i'm back..but to where?

well, i've been gone from the usual school habits that i've been involved with for the past month.
it's true that in school, the home of the volunteers is my comfort zone. it's where i find warmth and comfort through the friends around me. however, sometimes, we just get bored with the usual stuff and think of new and exciting things to do. sometimes we just need to go out of our comfort zones and face a different phase in our lives.

in my case, i was just bored and changes were happening. some things weren't just the way they used to be and it seems weird that the usual people that greet you with wide smiles would now simply give you a slight nod or in worse cases, just ignore you. the worst thing that could happen is when people start giving you cold smiles and fake hi's and hello's, and lastly, men who couldn't act as real men. truly, people come and go. truly, change is the only constant thing in this world. when change starts to happen, you have three options: to stay the same, change along with everything and just do something about it when it comes, or just wait for things to happen. it's hard to change and staying the same would only mean killing yourself more so i had to do the last option.

i can say that i'm the kind of person who just walks right out the door without even saying goodbye, then go to wherever my mood brings me. so there it is, i just left out the door, went straight to a different and strange place and just let things go the way they are. it is truly strange when you go out into the frontiers and find yourself in a different setting. the only good thing i liked in the new location was the new friends that i've met. however, hostility could be imminent. some people are just... well i'm expected not to say some things and the good thing about me is that i have a lot of patience and i can control strong emotions, especially anger, and then just turn to happy thoughts. that's how my day always goes fine. :))

well after some time, almost a month. it's time to go back to the same old routine and leave the hostile place that i've been at. i could not really say i'm back. it's still feels kind of different but the people are starting to do the same good things before changes happened. the only bad thing that happened is that some people who are closer and more important to me, my mentors, would be leaving. but, i am happy for their accomplishments and all their skills, talents, and knowledge that they've shared with us.

i guess i just have to be more patient. i just have to see more things happen. maybe that transition is what i needed to see things in a different aspect. maybe that's what i needed to see things from outside the box. i'm grateful for the individual differences amongst people. i can appreciate the hostility that i had felt because it made me realize that some people are more worth keeping than others... so i decided to return to my old nook. another thing would be, i just needed a break and after being given a larger responsibility to hold the group together, i just needed some time for myself. i just needed some time for myself to stop, take a deep breath, and think.

for now, i'm just thankful.
i'll just look forward to the days to come.






i'm back at one place though, the internet. haii tharrr netizens! ^^v

Hello :))

two words.... Senior Project

Still haven't thought of a Senior Project topic. The deadline for submission of the SP Application form with the signed Adviser Form will be today at 5pm. I still haven't made a final decision for my topic. I'm thinking of Image Processing but it might be too ambitious. I'm also thinking of working with databases but I think they're too shallow. Yeah I know, mayabang, but I want to explore more and challenge my self. Another problem would be to choose an adviser.
Options:
Sir Sioson
Sir Vidallo
Sir Martinez
Sir Rojano

Whew, I'm writing this blog at 6:37 am out of boredom and I have to attend a leadership training later at 7:30. At 5:00 in the afternoon will be the PCSV training but I won't be attending that. Tomorrow morning will be the second part of the leadership training and in the evening would be the PCSV Socials Night. I guess I'll just go home later at 5 and then come for the socials tomorrow night. I need to rest first. I've been working and studying for the past month. Comeback blog will come later probably on Thursday when I start with my new interest, a research group for developing iPhone/iPad applications. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oops and yeah, I'm free now so I can start working for my boss on his website design company. :D :D :D

no long term repercussions

weakness. where does it start?
let's start with emotion. perhaps easiest way to influence a person
is to utilize the emotion. when you try to convince others, you try to play
with their emotions. you try to find out what makes them tick. you try to find
out how to get their sympathy. everything else follows.

however, it's not weakness through emotions. we all have the right
or perhaps the responsibility of inquiry to whatever is presented to us.
it's a matter of choice. weakness comes when you let them play
with your emotion and omit the usage of your mind. in the end, you've just become
a tool. when you try to realize the things, it's all too late. the die has been cast.
at the end of the day, you thought you have acquired something, you think you've
done something great. it's all because you're clinging to something that you think
will be your foundation, or perhaps rigid support.you feel big because you think someone thinks like you or someone has the same sentiments as you do. but in the end, you're just a tool.

because of this fantasy, you feel big over something or perhaps someone. you hurt someone
just because you thought you were right.

you become weak. you are weak.

learn to stand on your own but also see where you are standing. learn to inquire. learn to make choices.
sometimes, you have to clash with your own friends to make them realize what is right, because not all of the times, they are.

Birthday babbles

First, I would like to express my apology for fooling everyone on facebook :D.
Oh yeah, that prank about Nov.10 being my birth date. hahaha

Then, I would like to thank everyone who greeted me on my birthday.
Almost in all the corners of Ateneo, people greeted me.
It seemed just like an ordinary day.
There wasn't much during that day but I really appreciate all the greetings.
Also, thanks for the hugs, especially to that surprise tight hug given to me when
I passed by an office at the elevated space of Xavier's manor ;))

Thanks to the Manila people who gave me early text greetings (PKand myangLigaw)

Thank you to my colleagues at The Office.
Special mention to Jaycee, for giving me a wonderful surprise.
I can't stop smiling after I saw it on facebook, my jaw ached. hahaha

Thanks to my IT buddies, who greeted and met me with warm
smiles.

Thanks to Jane who kept me company thru text while
I was watching movies in my dark room.

Thanks everyone!

Replenished.

Have you ever felt mentally and emotionally tired?
I did.

It's just the kind of feeling you get when you try to achieve your own happiness.
Happiness is almost at your reach but you should be aware that there are risks,
and there are other people involved.
whenever you try to risk, you realize two things:

1. be happy while the others are not
2. relinquish your happiness so that others may be happy

In some cases, you're trying to achieve something that's the same goal as other people are trying to reach and I always get stuck with the choice that I'll let them get it.
There are a lot of strings attached, you can't move freely as you'll be affecting others
in the process. I always let others be happy first before myself, and the thing is I can endure the loss
because I can support myself. But, am I already giving out too much? It makes me wonder when I can claim mine and not care about others anymore.

There's always a sacrifice involved. But whenever I think about it, my principle
would always tend to go with letting go. For the past few days, I kept thinking about it.
It bothered me so I needed space and time to think (aside from watching Season 4 of Prison Break :D).
And then, there it was, all the answers just poured in, like a shower of new ideas from the heavens.
Too much ideas though that I'm seeming to enter a portal of endless, unrealistic possibilities.
Then finally, there was silence.

In the end, I did not find any answer.
I decided that I'll just cross the bridge when I get there.
And for some weird reason, the heavy feeling just went away.
It felt so light. I felt rested.

But, I'm still open to possibilities.
Come what may. :)

(It's been a long time coming)
It's been a long time, 
(It's been a long time coming)
Yeah it's been a long time, 
(It's been a long time coming)
Been so long, but I gotta shine, shine, shine, 
My rusty halo... 
Gotta shine my rusty halo... 
Gotta shine my rusty halo


So that was a part of the song "Rusty Halo" by The Script.
I posted it because I thought of starting this blog with the line "it's been a long time.."


It's been a long time since my last blog. Now I'm here to express happiness!! ^_^ :D =]
 ^o^ :) :-) :-] :] it's a smiley parade.


So yeah, the start of this year was a blast. I received a lot of gifts I met my friends again. My first day of school in this year was awesome. I was able to see people I wanted to see. Everything felt new, but I kept in mind  that 2011 is just another number and change comes from the person.


However, a lot of good things came. Opportunities. Jobs kept pouring in. I have been offered a secret task and I took it. I have a sideline which gave me the happiest opening of this year. Now another job has been offered which leans more on practicing what I have learned in my classes, programming and designing. I am really interested to take it but I'm not yet really confident with my skills. Well I learn a lot from school but the thing is, they only teach basics. I know I could train and study on my own but I have projects and CGC stuff. However, I'm really determined to take it so I'm saying this now, I might lay low from the CGC (fastest serious decision ever made, not even impulsive).


It's good to realize that I am really flexible and I'm confident that I'd be able to easily produce outputs in the real world. I just need to practice and learn a lot.


****we interrupt this blog for an announcement. this just in, while i'm typing this blog, someone pm'd me on facebook and introduced me to a part-time job*****


Lol, that was epic. But, yeah, one step at a time. Never take jobs if you can't do all of it. So I guess I'll pass from that new offer.


Anyway, that's it. Just figured I have to post something on my blog. 


Well other things:
exams
interesting people
going out
project overnights
starcraft sessions
blogging
facebook
twitter
plurk


See ya! Ciao.